Holiday life---why?

hmm...i wonder...
holiday,
how to play?
dont know...no target now ==
wait...am i should focus on scouts now?
gosh...== please dont always scouts...
but this fews days,
i try to forget it
but...cant
although watch many movie at home or ply computer...even i play dota==[not dota is TD]
still...lay on bed...read manga--"
then sleep...
really [razy ...
these fews day i dreamt
weird dream
scouts....
still cant left on my mind
why?
last day on school...SPM duty...
bring my friends go plaza rakyat and pavillion,
give up to know about the logbook for king scouts,
why?
Am i to kind?
I play with my friends,
try to forget scouts,
why?
why i try to forget scout?
dont know
im kinda numb ...as i really dont know what to do to help them
organize a trip?
yeah...i still remember this...
but
my knowledge too less
dont know how to start,how to do?
who can tell me?
but
i dont want always find people help
I...really bad girl
love but hate
too furious
holiday
dont know how ...nothing to do....my mind is empty...
I lost contact about scouts...dont know what they plan
dont know what can i do....
confuse
my ambition
forgot...chance fly away already
mind ..full of scouts
holiday ...still so
why?
Tomorrow
is their exam starts
wish them luck ....

Numb...coma...=.=

today
1st recess ,fish find us senior venture...
I wonder,
discuss about the recruit student event...
what conclusion will i have?
reached...
ventures there
discuss
fish told me the 1st thing,
but it didnt surprise me...
I know that day will come one day....
Just cant face it ,
but now,
after 3/10 &2/11~4/11...
i knew many fact...
It really made me speechless and numb...
but so what?!
I cant do anything at all...
I tried,
persuaded them...
the consequence still didnt change,
although not all of them,
at least i tried...
hmm...
left 20 only,
i wonder when i graduate,
how many left on that moment?
or...
it really had a bad luck
dismissed ...and i joined other society?
haiz,
i dont want to accept this
really numb
numb
im going coma later。。。LOL
Now my brain is full of scouts...
scouts scout scout...
LOL,,,
now im try to make a plan,
try to change the fate ...
the LAST CHANCE,
at 29/12/10
...
I MUST TRY MY BEST...
ALTHOUGH I THINK NOT REALLY MEANING ABOUT DOING THIS...
but our target not same already!XD
tomorrow is last day ...
result time,
but i knew alredy LOL
hmm..that's all ...
senior 1 art school life ...

THE END...

塞車的路途上。。。

啊。。。
今天﹐留在學校﹐
回過頭來﹐
想著﹐
我。。。留下來做什麼?
嗯。。。幫忙吧?應該。。。
霎時﹐
頭腦空白﹐
當時只記得﹐
有多少人肯來?
結果﹐
並没有意外，
还是那么地。。。
过去了，
也算了，
他说话时，
我在想，
怎样改变啊?
想啊想，
边听边想好难，
结果两头不到岸。。。
问我，
头脑真的好像被丢了闪光弹，
什么都记不起。。。
现在回想，
我说了什么?
真的不记得。。。
最近都是这样
我怎么了?。。。不懂

沉默。。。
5分钟。。。吧?
他尝试说了话，
我听着，
但觉得自己很该死，
帮不上忙。。。
好烂!
消极了。。。
啊!
给他发觉了。。。

最后，
跟着他，
在车上，
说了不到3句话。。。
沉默。。。
不懂为何
很怕。。。
自己不懂该怎样
胡思乱想了。。。
不愉快的事逐个在脑海浮现，
为什么?
算了，忍吧!
他尝试跟我说话，
我却很冷淡，什么没什么、嗯。。。之类的废话
我好差劲!
结果，
他不跟我说话了。。。
让我冷静。。。

我。。。
更加紧张、害怕。。。
好多不记得的事情，
突然记得了。。。
心好酸。。。
眼线承受不住泪水
流泪了。。。

好想说，
但始终说不出。。。
最后，
还是讲了。。。
啊。。。。。
又麻烦他了。。。
心事为什么只会坦白跟他说?
不懂。。。
我觉得我可以相信他，
觉得他应该懂我讲什么。。。。
如此而已。。。
塞车的路途，
心中枷锁逐渐解开。。。
没那么辛苦了，
一直以来解不开的锁头，
似乎解开了。。。吧?
(比起上一次[在去年情人节]，这次让我比较看开了点[真的]；而且上次我还是没什么改变啊)
不过，
要看开、改变自己好难。。。
好花时间@@。。。但我会加油的!

现在回想，
好丢脸啊。。。
在他面前流泪，
好尴尬。。。
不过我讲了后，
比起之前跟其他人说，
感觉好很多。。。
为什么呢?不懂啊~

带着这种心情跟人家告别，
一直想为什么会这样呢?
可能我就是觉得我可以相信他，
直觉是这么告诉我。。。

这次塞车的路途，
就好像上帝给我机会，
让我冷静，
再真正的诉苦，
但，
麻烦到他，
我不好意思。。。
毕竟认识他不到2个月。。。应该有一个月了吧??@@
嗯。。。
总之感谢他
我也要加油，
不想再让人失望了!
人要改变不简单。。。

真的真的感谢他。。。
感谢他送我回家
感谢他帮助我们
感谢他肯听我说
感谢他与我为友
感谢他不排济我
感谢他。。。。好多好多。。。
总之!
万分感激!

Am...I late?

........... ...........
.......... .........
...... ........
..................
Nowadays,
Child,
Doesnt like Nature anymore,
Doesnt want to bear hardships,
Doesnt want to pay,
Doesnt want to move,
All of them,
Only Study stuDy and Study....
Join Society?
Only will choose the most freely one...
Live meaningless life...
Haiz...
Whatever...
I cant threat them ,
Im not god...
So i only hope i can plan a "thing" for them let they can more unity...
Im weak in them,
Cant join their conversation,
Always Alone,
But I still at there,
Why?
WHy?
Why?
I asked myself repeatedly ...
Answer only one...
I really dont want see it will disband one day....
Sad...Useless...
My capacity...weak...
Im too weak to change all ...
Now,
Im hesitation...
Im confuse ...
AM I TOO LATE?
On that moment,
Someone tells me,
you are not too late unless you doesnt will to learn...
It gave me hope again...
And despair again...
Time can forgot anything,change anything...
Im really afraid...
Next year,
How many will left?
Why they all gone for nothing,
Stay for annoying...
Where is their heart?
Is it Play more important than anything?
Is it Give a Fake Hope is really fun?
Is it academic more important than anything?
Why they cant pay a little?...a little is enough...
Maybe is my fault at all...
Didnt expect so much,
Didnt use all nicely,
Didnt plan all good,
Didnt decided firm,
Only tantrum in the end,
Feels angry ...
Angry Myself,
Why AM i so useless...
Im useless to make them good...
I didnt stop them from quit without reason...
Didnt go to understand Why...
Im a burden at all...Isnt?
Someone tease me
Think im too foolish,
I put in many times and soul in it...
But i willing to do so...
But still nothing any result can change the situation...
Im confuse again...
Am i too late?
I plan i need to upgrade myself,
At home,
Lazy only will show up ,
I need to go out to learn...
That is the best way for me...
But...............
Where should i go?